hell yes lets make some ravioli
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
