peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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