so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
