Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
