There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
