Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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