You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
