how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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