He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
