I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
