so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
