So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
