Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
