I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
