why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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