No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
