I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
