2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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