just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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