Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
