In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
