uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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