Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
