these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
