Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
