Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My bed smells like the plague
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