Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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