She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
