I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
