mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
