I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
