at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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