I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
