Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I believe in your delicious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
