Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
