i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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