I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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