Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
