my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
