Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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