Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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