hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
