There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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