a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
