almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
