His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
