he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
