cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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