ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
