I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
