I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
