used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
