dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
