Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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